i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
