Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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