i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
How naked do you want me to be?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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