just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
