if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Let's paint friendship bongs
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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