There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
