3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
