my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
