doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize