We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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