..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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