how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
