New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
