No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
