How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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