sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
