just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
