My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I love how my cats smell like pot.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
