We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
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the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome