they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.