Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
