Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.