ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position