i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall