we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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