My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
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My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
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I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life