He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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