Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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