R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
