Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
