just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
