i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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