When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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