Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize