I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
