I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
