dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
