You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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