Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
