Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
