if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
