i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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