I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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