make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
