Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
