I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
