Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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