I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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