Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My feet surprised me
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
