By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
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It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
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I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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