May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
