..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize