If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
