Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You smell like a Billy Joel song
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
