Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
being pregnant is like rehab
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
