That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
