Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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