So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
