Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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