I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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