Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
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If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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