I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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