Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
did you just send me my own nude
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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