I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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