Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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