I wannas sexs uuuuu
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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