i think i have herpe
just one?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
