I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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