Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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