i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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