I should be sponsored by Trojan
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
