You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
