I want to make a zoo with you.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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