if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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