At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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