My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
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we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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