who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
birth control should be required to get into college
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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