you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
