K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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