don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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