GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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