About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Even my vagina gasped.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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