i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Banned from zoo.
Again?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
