I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
