I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
