hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
