i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
