Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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