my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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